


It Rains

by niruesie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Death, Ghosts, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 13:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13125063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niruesie/pseuds/niruesie
Summary: A boy with a dying faith.A man with living memories.“I was crying and so was the heavens.”





	It Rains

**Author's Note:**

> This story was born four years ago and it took me all those years to muster my strength to edit. Finally, it has come to this. Same plot, but different characters (Chanyeol and an OC before) but since I'm a CB trash...
> 
> I had to delete this story (again) due to academic reasons but now the term has ended so, yehey! Welcome back!

“ _He_ took away the only people who made me believe he exists.” A thunder roars. “Can he even hear me?”

 

Another stream of tears escapes Baekhyun’s eyes as the rain pours hard. His face is wet with both the cries of heaven and of his own. He is beginning to be aware that he is soaked.

 

In the middle of his wails, a mocking grin appears as he realizes he can _still_ feel how his white top clings heavily to his body, how his hair is damped by the water, and how his bare knees are stained with mud. How can someone feel something when life is flowing out of him, emptying him?

 

He keeps crying, kneeling in front of his parents’ grave.

 

“Come on now.” Baekbom hushes him, patting him in the back. His brother’s touch is cold, but firm. But he just can’t. He doesn’t want to.

 

_I wish he could just leave me alone._

 

“Hyung, you can go home now if you want to. I want to stay here. Just… just… I want… I really want to be alone.” Baekhyun answers weakly. His voice is barely a whisper, drowned by the howling winds.

 

Baekhyun heaves a deep sigh. The coldness of the weather is painful enough but the ice inside him is even more suffocating. He doesn’t know if his lungs can still bear this lethal coldness. The sky roars, gathering more dark clouds.

 

“You know I can’t do that. I promised mom and dad I’ll never leave you alone.” Baekbom replies. He says something more but it was not clear… no, not to Baekhyun.

 

The rain, accompanied by the clapping of thunders, silences them once more. Had Baekhyun not loved the rain, he would have thought of the sky mocking his pain.

 

“Baekhyun, we have to go home. You need to rest.” A voice coos behind his back, pleading.

 

Baekhyun lets many minutes passed before he complies, another worn out sigh escaping his lips. He stands up without bothering to wipe the dirt off him.

 

_How can someone be too tired if he is as empty as a black hole?_

 

Baekhyun’s thoughts left him before he can even gather them cohesively. But his head is bursting and he feels weak. He hasn’t eaten for days. The scar that was there inside was so deep. It is so painful that he starts to feel _numb_.

 

No – not _numb_. He is just starting to get used to the pain.

 

Baekhyun knows there is no remedy. Nothing to relieve the emptiness and the pain. Part of him wanted to end this, but somehow, he is afraid that if it does, he will also lose the memories of his parents.

 

Baekbom is not there when he turns around. Though Baekhyun understands if he gets tired of waiting for him. Even Baekhyun, himself is unbearably tired.

 

He unconsciously finds himself in the car. The fabric of the passenger seat is drenched as the water from his clothes finds its way there. The radio installed says that it is just thirty minutes passed two in the afternoon. The sky is crying with him, he thinks.

 

He sighs once again. _This will be a long day_.

*******

It is half past nine in the evening when Baekhyun wakes up. Without any thought, he arranges his sheets and pillows and walks out of his room, lifeless. It has always been like this since the untimely death of his parents: him becoming a machine though he hates doing routines.

 

_Life made him_ , he always reasons out. Life made him suffer. Life made him like this.

 

The empty corridor welcomes him. Baekhyun is still not used to this deafening silence – and maybe he won’t get used to it. Memories filled him, _their_ voices. _His family_.

 

_Come on, honey. Call your brother. Dinner’s ready._

_Yes mom!_

_Baekbom, hyung?_

_I’ll be there in a second. Call Dad._

_Daddy? Dinner’s ready!_

_Alright. Come on, let’s not get Mommy waiting._

_I love you Daddy._

_I love you too._

He never fights himself to stop the tears from falling. He does not have the strength. However, it surprises him that he is still able to secrete more fluid after all the crying.

 

He visits Baekbom’s room, the door slightly open, and sees him sleeping. His body is buried under his duvet. Under normal circumstances, Baekhyun would be surprised that his brother’s door is unlocked, let alone his door left open. But then again, _everything has changed_.

 

Baekhyun heads down. After grabbing his jacket, he steps outside.

 

The cold breeze of the evening embraces him and walks with him to the cemetery. The night sky is sprinkled with stars and the moon happily hangs above.

 

As he passes by a garden, he picks some flowers, a little wet and moist from the rain earlier.

 

Baekhyun used to fear this place when he was young. It never fails to give him the creeps. Even until now, he wonders how can a garden beside the mouth of death bloom so much life? Such a wonderful paradox. Just like him.

 

Living but _lifeless_.

 

He continues to walk. The breeze carries him to his place. He sees the same spot where earlier, his knees were glued onto it. The wind blows and Baekhyun feels the drizzle as the trees shudder.

 

“Mom, Dad. Why do you have to leave? Why does it have to be like this? It should–” He sobs, voice breaking at the mention of his parents. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry”

 

And he is lost again. Lost again with tears and the pain inside him and he lets himself drowned. Too weak to fight the waves of desperation and anguish and longing tossing him here and there. He drowns at the memories of that day.

 

_“It’s already late. You shouldn’t be there. Come on, we’ll go home.”_

 

_It was raining that night and the noise inside the bar was distant as Baekbom and his parents dragged Baekhyun out of the club._

_“Will you just shut up? You’ve done enough! Thank you very much!” Baekhyun groaned in extreme annoyance at his brother._

_“Don’t you realize the danger you’re putting yourself into? You are not listening to me. Besides, I really don’t think your friends care enough to say this.”_

_“To let mom and dad know? Very funny. Mom? Will you let him stop?”_

_“Honey. Your brother is right. You shouldn’t mingle with people like that.”_

_“Stop trying to be noble and mom please, not you too!”_

_“One more bicker from you, Baekhyun.” His dad flared, fumbling over the car keys._

_“I wasn’t doing anything Dad. I was just there! We were just talking! I’m not using it!”_

_“Soon enough, you will be influenced as well. And it’s already late!”_

_“Mom said I can stay until 10!”_

_His dad gave him a threatening look. “Mind your tone, Baek.”_

_“But Dad… don’t you trust–”_

_They were silenced by three gun shots and many more that followed. They were still stupefied even when the shouts of plea and curses echoed inside._

_“This is what I’m talking about, Baekhyun. Let’s go.” Baekbom ran towards the car, fingers fidgeting as he grabbed the keys from his father._

_“Wait, but my friends. I can’t leave them alone.”_

_“Your friends won’t care, and should we even call them that?”_

_Baekbom started the car once every one of them were inside. But just as he sped up, they sighted men in black clothes armed with rifles going out of the back door where they were a moment ago._

_“Come on, Dad. Please. Just before 10 PM, I prom–”_

_“When I said no, it’s a no.”_

_But Baekhyun was busy ranting at the back seat. “I hate you! What if my friends die? If you are so noble, you should just leave me alone and–”_

_The last thing Baekhyun remembered before his thoughts left him was a shattering sound coming from the windshield before their car gathered more speed._

 

Such cruelty for not even letting him finish his sentence. But it pained him even more to realize that those were his last words.

 

_You should just leave me alone._

“Wish granted,” if life can actually speak, Baekhyun imagines that response.

The heavy downpour of the rain. The sound of gun shots. The shattering of the mirrors. The sight of his mom and dad slumping on their seats as the blood and life oozes out of their body. The sight of Baekbom’s hands loosening their grip on the wheels, his arms sliding to his side and his face smacking the steering wheel. The car continuing to speed as Baekbom’s feet stayed planted on the pedals. Until finally, the car crashing against the lamp posts.

 

He cries his heart out as his knees sink once more on the grass, still wet from the rain earlier. He does not bother to muffle his loud sobs. No one is here.

 

_I hope it rains. Please, let it rain._ Baekhyun prays. He badly wants his cracked voice sing with the laughter of the heavens.

 

“Take me! Take me please! I’m sorry.” He screams and wails to let everything out. Even the void that is there. The heavy lump seems to stick to his heart like a gum. He struggles to breathe.

 

After a few moments of surrendering to the pain, Baekhyun hears someone from behind.

 

“Hey!”

 

He forces to silence himself. The street lamp behind him failed to show shadows but he can hear footsteps. The sound of shoes struggling to take steps in a muddy road.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

First, Baekhyun wants to laugh at the stupidity of the question. It is such a cliché that it offends him so much. Second, he wants to punch someone because why can’t people leave him alone?

 

“Go away!” He spits, not bothering to conceal the sharpness of his tone.

 

“It’s already late. You shouldn’t be here. Come, I’ll take you home.”

 

Those were Baekbom’s words before that faithful event. His heart clenches. Thanks to this stranger who touched a very fresh wound.

 

“I don’t know who you are. If you’re a ghost wandering here, I’m not afraid of you, and it’s my Mom and Dad who I want to see. If you’re a criminal psycho or whatever you call it, then go, take my life away. I want to be with my parents.” Baekhyun sniffs, without looking back.

 

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” The stranger responds. Baekhyun hears him loud and clear. _A guy_. He waits for the chance that he’ll attack him. He closes his eyes. Tears fall more. 

 

But the attack never came. _How he wish it did._

 

Baekhyun is surprised when he sits beside him and pats his back. Baekhyun looks up, revealing his swollen eyes.

 

The guy is about the same age as he is. He is pale. Very pale. But his eyes are bright.

 

“Have you eaten?” Even Baekhyun is taken aback at the first question he utters. But Baekhyun can’t blame himself, can he? He has not eaten much for the past days but this guy is even paler than him.

 

The stranger chuckles, his voice deep and warm. “I suppose you noticed.” He balms his dry lips with his tongue.

 

“You could pass as a ghost, you know. Is that why you are here? Scaring people around?”

 

He does not respond, not with words at least. He flashes a sad smile before holding Baekhyun’s eyes with his. “Have you eaten?” He returns the question.

 

Baekhyun shakes his head. “No. I haven’t.” His eyes are still glistening and swelling and the stranger’s sad smile turns into a soft one.

 

“Here.” He offers him an apple but seeing Baekhyun’s hesitation, he grabs his hand and places the fruit there. His hand is more masculine and more calloused than his but it feels good under Baekhyun’s touch.

 

“I told you I don’t want to. Why are you here, anyway?” It is not intentional but the words roll off Baekhyun’s tongue with irritation.

 

The guy’s expression remains soft. His smile never leaves his lips. It is a weak one but it reaches his eyes. “I’m visiting my sister.”

 

“Shouldn’t you be in your sister’s grav–” Baekhyun halts himself. Shocked as a realization sinks. “Why– why are you here?” He repeats, as if to destroy an abstraction and make things more concrete. The tears lingering in his lids fall at their own accord.

 

The stranger does not respond. Baekhyun looks at his face, searching. For what – he is not so sure. But he despises the things he saw, especially in the stranger’s eyes. Softness and pain. _Acceptance_. _Peace_. He loathes the last two.

 

The night sky flashes white before the thunder rolls yet again.

 

The stranger says, “Death is the only thing you are sure to come. I wonder why people can’t still accept that. We are all bound to die.”

 

“How can you say that? With – with your sister being–” He mutters, wonder in his eyes and pain in his tone.

 

“Death comes when you least expect it.” He is leaning back, legs outstretched, with his hands sprawled behind him for support. He stares into nothingness but the smile is still across his lips.

 

“No one expects death.” Baekhyun responds, sounding defensive.

 

Another thunder cracks, echoing loudly. It starts to drizzle.

 

“Here comes the rain again.” Baekhyun comments, heaving a heavy sigh. “Right after Mom and Dad died, rain is the only best friend I have. It understands me better than anyone else. I feel like… it is crying with me.”

 

“It was also raining. When my older sister _died_.”

 

Even with these thunders, Baekhyun does not fail to hear the cracking of his voice. His gaze returns to his face, tears lingering in his eyelids, threatening to fall. But the stranger sniffs it away.

 

This makes Baekhyun cry even more. His sobs and the rain sing in chorus.

 

“I also asked the same things. Why does it have to be so soon? Why does it have to be because of me?” The stranger wipes his nose with the back of his palm.

 

“Because of you?” Baekhyun asks. His voice is much softer but still unsteady.

 

He is surprised that he finds himself talking to this stranger. Maybe it is because they share the same pain. He drops his thoughts and listens to him.

 

“I lost her. I badly wanted to get that green mango. It was in that highest tree in our province, you know. I love to challenge myself.” He lets out a chuckle but it just sends violent waves in Baekhyun’s heart. “My mom didn’t allow me to climb so I asked her.

 

Unfortunately, she nearly touched the beehive but she flinched away before she got to, her foot slipped and she fell. I thought it was a good thing that she didn’t bleed. Just a few cuts and bruises. But I was wrong. She was in coma for three months.” He pauses, his gaze continues to wander on the faint stars above.

 

Baekhyun sees the pain reflecting on his eyes. The stranger’s tears are just a drizzle, dropping a few on the corners of his eyes, but Baekhyun’s is a pouring rain.

 

A storm continues to rage inside.

 

The stranger continues as a thunder booms, “After three months, she woke up. We talked. She said so much, but she ended it with, ‘ _It’s not your fault. I climbed the tree not just because you asked me to, but because I know that it will make you happy. That’s what you do for the people you love.’_ The night after that, she died.” Taking a deep breath, he ends his story. “Of severe internal hemorrhage.”

 

“Why are you telling me this?” Baekhyun is lost for words.

 

Their thoughts reminisce their tragic past. Baekhyun lost a family because of a party, the stranger lost his sister because of a fruit.

 

Baekhyun fights the urge to laugh. Ridiculous as it may sound but he seriously finds these things very funny.

 

It is just the simple things they want. Is that a valid reason? Is it enough to take the lives of the people they love?

 

“Is someone even there? _Up there?_ He must be pleased, watching us from where he is. He must be enjoying our pain. A fruit? Is that even a reason to take her life away?” The thunders roar as Baekhyun shouts the words. It seems like the heaven where _he_ is agrees. “What—What I feel…What I feel right now? It’s worse than dying!”

 

“I can’t blame you for blaming Him. But He has reasons, believe me.” His voice is soft and hopeful.

 

“I wish I could. I wish I understand. Is he really there? Is someone _really_ there?”

 

“Just because you don’t understand, doesn’t mean _He_ doesn’t exist. It rains hard but the sun is still there. And life is a series of choices between what you want and what you need. I _wanted_ that fruit, but I forgot I needed my sister more. I failed to realize that I risked her for that until she slipped and fell.”

 

Silence embraces them again. Baekhyun doesn’t know if he can’t find the words to say or he is just too tired to argue.

 

Baekhyun starts to shiver and a big part of him wishes it is because of the coldness of the night but he can’t deny that the ice inside him is colder, more lethal.

 

Few moments after, the stranger speaks, “I think we need to go home.” He stands up and offers his hand, palm open for Baekhyun to take.

 

Baekhyun grabs it but instead of standing, they stumble together as his foot sinks on a mud. The guy sprawls down with Baekhyun on top of him.

 

They land on a soft wet grass. Their noses touch but Baekhyun immediately flinches away, putting enough space between their faces. He is so shocked that he just let time melt down.

 

Baekhyun’s eyes first sees his lips, chapped and pale and he longs to ask the reason behind it until the stranger’s eyes behold his. They stare into each other’s eyes.

 

Baekhyun wonders what the stranger sees in him, but in his? Baekhyun has taken a glimpse of his scar, his past. But he wonders again why he is seeing tranquility. It feels unfair. He feels the pang of that tragic day. Baekhyun’s heart clenches so hard that he sheds a tear and it lands on the stranger’s beautiful face.

 

The guy clears his throat and wanders his gaze away, and Baekhyun is brought back to the planet again. He stands up with him. Baekhyun’s blood rushes to his cheeks and he hopes the rain conceals his embarrassment.

 

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun mutters but the other just grins.

 

They walk their way towards the entrance, rain water and mud staining their clothes.

 

“What’s your name, by the way?” Baekhyun smiles, to ease the awkwardness.

 

“I’m Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol. You?”

 

“Baekhyun. I’m Baekhyun Byun.”

 

“Good. Nice to meet you, Baekhyun. Now let’s get you home.”

*******

The next morning, Baekhyun feels no better. The Chanyeol guy didn’t stop plaguing his mind since he arrived home last night.

 

He does not want to leave his room but his stomach is growling and it surprises him that for the first time in many weeks, he cares about a grumbling tummy.

 

The sun is peaking over the clouds, basking his room in a weak yellow light. He checks Baekbom’s room but he is still asleep. The seemingly untouched door suggests that he hasn’t woken up and probably still buried deep in his sheets.

 

Baekhyun finds big boxes of stuff in the living room and soon after, his aunt walks inside. A small guy whose eyes resemble that of an owl tagging behind her.

 

“Hi darling!” She greets him with a soft peck on his cheeks. “You’re so handsome. Just as always. How are things going?” She beams. They hold each other’s eyes as she continues cupping his face with a smile on her lips.

 

It is when one of the boxes bangs the floor that she unclasps her hands and looks at the brown-haired boy. “He is Do Kyungso.” She introduces. “A very good neighbor. He helped me carry my things.”

 

“Why? I mean, why are you here?” Baekhyun struggles to ease his tone so it would not sound offensive. Not that he means to sound offensive.

 

“I will be staying here for a while. So you will have someone with you.” She announces, a smile splitting her face.

 

“I’m with Baekbom. I think we are okay?” His response is more of a question than a statement. Baekhyun forces not to roll his eyes when he sees her gulping down and scratching her head.

 

“Well, it isn’t bad to add another one, right? I will be taking the guest room if that’s what you want.” She offers shyly.

 

They continue fixing her things and Baekhyun heads to the fridge to silence his stomach.

 

“I saw you last night.” Kyungsoo says. His expression is soft, inviting and friendly.

 

Baekhyun turns to him with a weak smile but immediately takes it back when Kyungsoo utters the next words.

 

“I suggest you do not go alone at night. It’s kind of dangerous.”

 

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t alone.” He replies impassively and storms out.

 

He grabs a wheat bread and a chocolate drink and he feels foreign. He doesn’t eat _this much_.

 

When he goes to the living room, he sees them whispering to one another. Though he struggles to ignore them, he heads back upstairs with a huff and rolling eyes because some words are just so clear.

 

“Please bear with him. He is still in post-traumatic stress. You know what happened right?”

*******

His aunt is not there when he goes down for dinner.

 

“You seem to lighten up a bit.” Baekbom greets as Baekhyun sits beside him.

 

“Do I?” His eyes shapes a perfect ‘O’, mirroring his brother’s eyes.

 

“You looked a bit cheery. What’s the matter?” Baekbom’s plate is empty as they converse.

 

Baekhyun feels sad because he hasn’t waited for him to eat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He admits. “Auntie’s here by the way. She’s checking on us, I guess.”

 

He furrowed his brows and a sigh escapes his lips. “Let her be.”

 

Baekhyun notices his pale and chapped lips and it reminds him of Chanyeol. He suddenly feels the urge to visit the cemetery and hopes to see him there.

 

“How are you feeling?” Baekhyun asks to break the silence.

 

It has been weeks since they had a small talk. He does not want to drift away from his brother but these are the times when Baekhyun feels tired of the words.

 

“I’m fine. I guess?” He plasters a soft smile.

 

Baekhyun remembers how he kept telling him when he went home from the hospital that he is fine and that he is not mad.

 

“You?” Baekhyun is unconscious of how long silence engulfs them but he just cannot find the words to say.

 

_How am I? Empty._ So empty that the silence speaks much of that hollow.

“Well… okay.” His brother shrugs off the unspoken answer. “You have to be ready now. In two weeks’ time, we have to resume classes.”

 

Baekhyun gapes at him, jaw dropping. Dread is painted all over his face.

 

_I do not think school will help me heal much_. He thinks, with another heavy sigh, he continues eating in silence.

 

The clock strikes 10 when he prepares. Baekbom retreats back to his room. He never leaves his room. It is his solace.

 

Baekhyun’s room _was_ too, but he finds the cemetery more comforting these days. He is kind of expecting the Chanyeol guy to be there but he does not raise his hopes up.

 

Soon after he has checked his brother’s room, he runs downstairs. Stopping for a while to grab some snacks before stepping outside. A smile found its ways on his lips and _it feels foreign_.

 

He is nearing the garden before the cemetery when someone whistles. He turns around to look who it is. The lamp from behind him lights so much against the darkness, casting his long shadow on the street.

 

“Knew it! Tsk.” Kyungsoo snorts, more to himself. “I told you not to wander alone.” He raises his voice a little loudly for Baekhyun to hear, though he does not have to. The street is deserted. Except for the winds accompanying them.

 

Baekhyun looks above, the stars feel more close to him. They shine brightly tonight.

 

“Kyungsoo? You’re Kyungsoo right? Mr. Nice guy from the neighborhood.”

 

“Yes and you are the Baekhun guy?” He reveals himself as he inches closer to him. His steps echoing a little too loud against the concrete road.

 

“Uhm, it’s Baekhyun actually, not Bacon.” He clears his throat, brushing his nape shyly.

 

“I said Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo’s tone is defensive, but a smile is playing on his lips.

 

“No. You said Bacon.” He sniggers playfully, his rectangular smile appearing on his face. Silence is starting to cloak them. Baekhyun is not feeling so much exhausted to argue, but he admits he won’t win against him if he did. So he says, “What are you doing here, anyway?”

 

That seems to be his most favorite question nowadays.

 

_Because people just can’t leave me alone._

 

 “Uhm, escorting you? To only-you-know-where?” Kyungsoo winks. “I told you not wander alone.” He is already beside Baekhyun, poking his arm playfully.

 

“Don’t be too friendly!” Baekhyun sneers impishly.

 

“Where are you going?” He asks, abashed.

 

“Cemetery. I will see some– _my parents_. I… always visit them.” It is Baekhyun’s turn to show his sheepish smile.

 

“I’m so sorry to hear that. My deepest condolence.” A hand presses his front and the other behind and Kyungsoo bows down.

 

A light chuckle escapes Baekhyun’s lips. “Uhm… Thank you? But, really. I do not need a reminder.” He beams, to hide any tone of incivility in his words.

 

“Says someone who will go to the cemetery tonight.” He rolls his eyes teasingly.

 

_Well, he got Baekhyun there._

 

The night sky is silent. Dark clouds that used to hover overhead seem to take a vacation. Baekhyun lets out a wow before he can even halt himself. The wind is cold but there are no moist. No drizzle.

 

We walk towards our destination. Kyungsoo asks random questions and so does Baekhyun. The conversation seems light – or maybe Baekhyun just feels light.

 

For the first time in ages. _Baekhyun feels light_. His heart pounds inside him.

 

“Why did you decide to stay here? I think it’s more fun in the city. More… uhm” Kyungsoo searches for words. His face lights up when he finds it and that made Baekhyun smile but he sounds wary. “More distractions.”

 

It has been a month and three weeks since Baekhyun arrived in this town. It has been few hours since he met Kyungsoo. And here they are, the boy with an owl-lie eyes offering to walk him around in the dead of the night.

 

Baekhyun insists to just go to the cemetery but Kyungsoo is more pressing, taking his words ‘ _I do not need a reminder that they are dead’_ against him.

 

_I guess I made a right decision letting him win._ Baekhyun smiles inwardly.

 

The town is different from the city. It is quiet and _peaceful_ here but Baekhyun cannot decide if those are a good thing.

 

He has always thought of this town as a very small one but he cannot say the same thing now that they are walking. The winds growl lowly but the trees are dancing with them. The heavens doesn’t shed a single tear.

 

So much have changed since he last visited. Baekhyun was only ten back then.

 

“I don’t think I need distractions. Numbing the pain will only make it worse when I can feel it again.” Baekhyun replies.

 

Kyungsoo’s gaze wanders to where they are. It is a fine sight. The street lamps are bright enough for anyone to appreciate the riverbank, the benches facing them, and the garden.

 

Even without the light, Baekhyun thinks one can easily notice the garden. The smell is palpable.

 

“I see.” He hears him speak. “For a guy who grew up in a town like me, I think I would prefer the city more.”

 

“Why? It’s more peaceful here. The city is cruel.”

 

They find their way to one of the benches.

 

“The world is cruel.” Kyungsoo smiles but there is a sigh when he rolls the words off his tongue. “Silence is something you can hear. Silent times are the times when your thoughts are loudest. And my thoughts are not kind to me.”

 

Baekhyun looks up at him. His face is bathing at the light and beauty of the moon. It is not so hard to trace sadness in his countenance even if his lips are quirked up.

 

He bites his lip and looks away. Silence embraces them but it is comforting. Another smile found its way on Baekhyun lips as closes his eyes and leans back, draping his head on the backrest.

 

Baekhyun hears him chuckles. “I didn’t know you know how to smile.”

 

Without shifting his position, Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “I think you keep forgetting what happened to me.” And as much as Baekhyun wants to, the smile just won’t fade away from his lips.

 

“Life can be very hard and it will either break you or make you. The choice is in your hands and that’s what will matter most as you live. There are so much more to look forward to.” He props his elbow on the edge of the backrest, his hand cupping his cheek.

 

“But it takes time, right?” Baekhyun retorts in his defense. “I don’t think one should deny the other the liberty to feel sad or broken. I need to be human. Sadness, pain, and all that are part of life’s package.”

 

“Just… don’t lose yourself too much on the storm.” He replies, his eyes on Baekhyun’s.

 

Baekhyun opens his mouth to reply but immediately decides against it. His laughter echoes and Kyungsoo looks taken aback. “Stop being so poetic!” He punches his arm playfully.

 

“How do you know I write poems?”

 

“How do you know there’s a storm inside me?” Baekhyun fires back between his laugh. “Your choice of words. Can’t help but notice them. Not the usual words an ordinary guy would use in a casual conversation like this.”

 

“I wouldn’t say this is a casual conversation.” He raises an eyebrow. His eyes are still on Baekhyun’s and he stares too. For a moment, they are just like that. Beholding each other’s eyes.

 

It is Baekhyun’s gaze which tears away first and his eyes rest at the heavens. The moon is smiling and he returns it with a genuine one.

 

“You are more beautiful when you smile like that.”

 

“I told you to stop being poetic. And–” But Baekhyun pauses as a realization hit him.

 

“And?” Kyungsoo urges.

 

“I can’t believe I’m laughing right now. For the first time since that… that day. I am laughing right now. It’s so…”

 

“Fulfilling.” Kyungsoo fills in the word.

 

“Thank you.” Baekhyun looks at him again. He blushes a little when he did, because Kyungsoo’s eyes never left his face.

 

“Huh?”

 

“For making me laugh. And yea… smile.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to be your sunshine.” He smiles again, a genuine one that his big eyes crinkle.

*******

The next few days have been one of the brightest for Baekhyun. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, he admits, become part of his recovery.

However, if he is to compare, they belong to the opposing ends of the spectrum. Chanyeol on the end, Kyungsoo on the other.

 

Baekhyun realizes how it is always raining when he is with Chanyeol. Wet grass and muddy roads have been their company at the cemetery. His heart races when he is with him.

 

But the moon always beams when he is with Kyungsoo on the other side of the town. They become accustomed to the smell of the flowers and shrubs. Contrary to the other guy, his heart is at ease whenever Kyungsoo is around.

 

Baekhyun has not dropped their names to the other but he plans make an arrangement for the three of them to meet.

 

_“I know someone who gives me strength as much as you do. I’ll let you know him when the time comes.” He mentioned to Kyungsoo._

 

_“I remember my best friend.” Kyungsoo responded. “But he’s gone now.”_

 

_“There is someone I know. He is also here in this town. He’s just like you with the talks about life and all that. I know I can never thank you enough for raising my hopes up.” Baekhyun confesses to Chanyeol._

 

_“I want to meet him. He reminds me of someone I know.”_

 

Their meeting should be tonight, but Kyungsoo doesn’t have the time as he busied himself on the errands of his father and is too tired to get up. So he walks alone to the cemetery.

 

And as usual, the drizzle softly waters the town. Yes, it’s raining again.

 

When he arrived, he finds Chanyeol in front of his parent’s grave. His legs outstretched while his arms are behind him for support, showing his cool handsome pose.

 

He smiles at the sight. Chanyeol becomes a significant part of his life. Every night, when the meet, they will randomly talk about things then end up talking about life and faith.

 

Baekhyun confesses that these talks mean so much to him. If there is a similarity between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, it’s this: They never fail to strengthen his faith in life.

 

There is something about them that wakes his senses up and resurfaces him again to the life he needs to live.

 

They help him believe that someone, someone greater, is out there, watching, guiding them in ways he can never imagine. They help him believe in reasons. Reasons, that even though he still can’t understand, it is enough for him to hold onto and accept such tragic things.

 

_There is so much more than this storm_. Their words echo in his mind. Baekhyun almost gasps as a realization hits him live a big wave. There is another common thing between them: They are both poetic.

 

Baekhyun silently walks towards him with a plan in mind. He puts the bag of snacks on the grass. He tiptoes carefully behind, arms raised to poke Chanyeol’s sides. But as he nears him, Chanyeol suddenly turns, caging Baekhyun in his strong arms.

 

They stumble down and roll onto the grass. Their laughter resound in the dead of the night.

 

“Release me!” Baekhyun squeals, laughing hard, his eyes crinkling with delight.

 

“What do you think you are doing?” Chanyeol, in his childish state, raises his eyebrows. His tone is teasing. A playful smile on his lips.

 

“How did you know that?”

 

“Don’t be stupid. I saw your shadow.” He tries to plaster a serious face.

 

Baekhyun laughs even more. _Why have I not think of that?_

 

“Fine. Fine! You got me. Can you free me now?” His arms are bound on his back together with Chanyeol’s hands holding his wrists.

 

Chanyeol’s arms are snaked around him. He shakes his head. “No.”

 

“What?” Suddenly, Baekhyun becomes aware of their closeness.

 

“I think you forgot something.” He pouts.

 

Baekhyun feigns innocence. “Did I?”

 

“Come on, Baek. Please don’t break my heart.”

 

Baekhyun huffs. “Do you seriously think I would forget that?” Then he starts to sing, “ _Saengil chukahamnida, saengil chukahamnida. Saranghaeyo Chanyeol-ssi, Saengil chukahamnida!”_

 

Then out of sheer excitement, he gives Chanyeol a soft kiss on his cheeks. He mentally wants to slap himself from doing that but he sees Chanyeol blushing.

 

_Well, it’s enough for a birthday present. It’s his day, anyway._ Baekhyun, with all the rational thoughts he can gather, reasons out.

 

Awkward silence cloaks them. Baekhyun’s heart slams against his chest again but definitely not because of pain.

 

Chanyeol is on top of Baekhyun and he feels the weight of their gap. His body, his breath… it’s cold. Baekhyun stares into his eyes and it flashes a different scar. A pain he can’t fathom.

 

Chanyeol is more than tired, he looks _lost._ Baekhyun shudders at his own thoughts.

 

Then Baekhyun’s eyes rest on his pale and dry lips again.

 

Chanyeol’s gaze pierces through him with a desperate plea. He releases Baekhyun’s wrists but travels his hand on his cheeks. Baekhyun’s heart gathers more speed.

 

Chanyeol inches a little closer then asks, “Can I–?”

 

Not knowing what he will do, Baekhyun still finds himself nodding. Chanyeol moves closer. Baekhyun shuts his eyes.

 

After some forever, everything melts.

 

Only the beating of their hearts drum in Baekhyun’s head and reverberates in his system as he feels Chanyeol’s dry lips crashing softly into his.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do, so he stays still for a few seconds. His eyes still shut as he holds his breath. It takes him a moment before he consciously finds himself surrendering, responding. Cautious at first, both measuring each other’s capacity.

 

They are lost in time. Chanyeol holds him tighter and deepens the kiss. He passionately lavish Baekhyun’s mouth, kissing the corners of his lips until a sweet sigh vibrates in his throat.

 

Then, it is Baekhyun’s turn to roam his hands on Chanyeol’s body, caressing his arms, his back and then his face. Wonderful, unexplainable sparks are sent on his spine. He shivers at the pleasure.

 

Then Chanyeol breaks, inching a little farther. Baekhyun flutters his eyes open and stares at the handsome man atop him. They both steady their breaths, letting the silence embrace the entwined bodies.

 

Chanyeol’s soft hand found its way on Baekhyun’s cheek, gently caressing. He likes the feeling, Baekhyun confesses as he squirms inwardly under his touch.

 

“Baek.” He exhales. “Do I like you now?”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to respond. Then he remembers he has never been good in words. As an answer, he closes his eyes once more and destroys the gap between them. He feels Chanyeol smiles on his lips.

 

Chanyeol rolls, turning them around. His back flat on the ground, they continue this gratifying pleasure.

*******

They spend more hours together at the cemetery. They eat the snacks Baekhyun brought. He also has with him a small cupcake and a candle.

 

They own the night with the laughter resounding against the sound of the drizzle.

 

Maybe… just maybe, this is the reason.

 

“Aren’t you afraid? That… we’re in a cemetery?” Baekhyun suddenly asks.

 

“We’ve seen the worse, Baekhyun. We’ve seen death in front of our eyes yet here we are. So why fear this?” He smiles.

 

“I guess you really have a strong faith in _him_.”

 

“My best friend always tell me, a finite man cannot define an infinite God. I don’t know but I just realized why the words trust, believe and faith are born. They always go together. They let you hold onto something cannot be seen by your eyes. It can only be seen by this this.” He places a finger on Baekhyun’s chest where his heart is.

 

“How’d you do it? Forgetting the–” Baekhyun throws another question. He removes Chanyeol’s hand on his chest to lace it with his.

 

The drizzle continues to fall and they are beginning to be soaked. It has been hours since they sat side by side. Their faces are moist with rain drops.

 

“Well, I cannot put them into words. But remember time heals everything. And, moving on doesn’t mean you have to forget those you love. Moving on is an act of acceptance. It means you accept that some things are bound to happen.”

 

Baekhyun sighs as he takes another bite of his biscuit. “You’re still lucky though, your brother died with sweet words. He forgave you.”

 

“And your point is?” Chanyeol furrows his eyebrows, glancing at him.

 

“My parents died because of me. They said they just wanted to protect me. We were arguing. We were fighting and I… I… I don’t even get the chance to say sorry.”

 

“Believe me when I say, they have already forgiven you.”

 

“I wish I could feel it.”

 

“You will. You will if you forgive yourself. They are your parents and they will always be. They love you. You should know that.”

 

“I hope things get easier.”

 

“Trust, believe and faith.” He kisses Baekhyun’s forehead.

 

“Yes. Trust, believe and faith.”

 

“There’s a rainbow always after the rain.”

 

“Old school quotation, hmn?” Baekhyun beams.

 

“Yeah. Old, it is.” He wraps an arm around Baekhyun and moves closer to him. “Calm the storm inside you, Baekhyun. And see the rainbow for yourself.”

 

And with that, they end the night.

*******

The morning after, Baekhyun wakes up with a light heart and a peaceful mind. He yawns happily as he stretches his arms, welcoming the day with a happy heart.

 

Even before he can walk out of his room to grab breakfast, his aunt knocks at his door.

 

“Good morning darling.” She chirps when Baekhyun opens the door. “You have to have your annual check-up. Do you mind if we go to the doctor today? I can’t accompany you in the coming days because Auntie has work.”

 

Since Baekhyun is in a good mood because of last night, he agrees to go. With a wide smile, he asks, “Is Baekbom hyung coming with us?”

 

Her expression at his statement is uninviting. She grimaces and Baekhyun thinks they fought again.

 

_Seriously. This two never got along ever since._ Baekhyun dismisses the idea of waking his brother to go with them.

***

“Good morning Madam Byun” The doctor takes his aunt’s hand then he turns to him. “How are you, Baekhyun?”

 

“Fine. I am fine.” He smiles genuinely.

 

“Good to hear Baekhyun. Well, can we run some tests? If that’s okay with you.”

 

“Sure!” He beams. “After you, doctor.”

 

The lab tests take a good hour and a half. Before he is being queried again.

 

“So how do you find the town? You said before you don’t want it there. Do you like it now?”

 

“Yes, Dr. Xiao. In fact, I have made friends. Wonderful friends.” Baekhyun answers proudly.

 

“Really? Can I know their names?”

 

“It’s Park Chanyeol and Do Kyungsoo. They always tell me things about life and how to keep the faith.”

 

Dr. Xiao looks pleased, his smile is wide. “That’s very good! I am very glad to hear that. If this isn’t a progress, I don’t know what it. It’s really good, Baekhyun. I wish I can meet your friends.”

 

“Maybe someday, when the time comes. I’ll let you know that we will drop by.”

 

After the series of questions and physical check-ups, Baekhyun is sent outside the room.

 

The thought of Chanyeol passes by again. He smiles as he recalls the events last night. But his thoughts are interrupted when a nurse came in and leaves the door slightly open.

 

“He’s still under post-traumatic stress. After the accident on his family.”

 

“Well, I suppose you’ll say that. He asks if Baekbom is coming with us. Don’t you–”

 

Then the door shuts close when the nurse exits. He gives him a weak smile.

 

_They still don’t believe that I am fine now._ Baekhyun sighs inwardly.

 

But instead of getting irritated, Baekhyun diverts his thoughts. He plans to drop by on a store to buy lip balms for Chanyeol and Baekbom.

 

“I’m going to stay here honey.” His aunt announces when they arrive home.

 

“Okay. But, I’m fine Aunt. Seriously. We are.”

 

“We?”

 

“Yeah. Me and Baekbom. We are recovering. Believe me. You don’t need to bother Aunt.”

***

The night comes and Baekhyun prepares to leave again. As part of his routine, he checks Baekbom’s room and as usual, he finds him sleeping.

 

He hops downstairs in an excited state and finds his aunt there and Kyungsoo is with him. His heart leaps once more. With two fingers crossed, Baekhyun hopes this is the right time for Chanyeol and Kyungsoo to meet.

 

“Hi aunt!” He greets, a wide smile on his lips. “I’ll go to the cemetery first.”

 

“At this hour?” She asks, her tone is dead serious and a brow is raised. She resembles his dad whenever they are fuming over something.

 

“Uhm, I’m also asking Kyungsoo to go with me.”

 

“At this hour?” She repeats. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest. Baekhyun starts to panic but he holds onto his hopes. He crosses his fingers once more.

 

“Yes Aunt. This became part of my daily routine. I feel better when I go there.”

 

“And you’re not afraid?”

 

“I’m not. Not anymore.” Baekhyun conceals his panic with a soft smile. “I’ve seen worse. I’ve seen death, what’s there to be afraid of?”

 

Kyungsoo chuckles behind her, “You sound like my best friend, Baekhyun.”

 

“And besides, I’m with someone.” Baekhyun adds.

 

Kyungsoo’s forehead creases in confusion but her aunt is the one who voices his unspoken thoughts.

 

“Someone? And who’s that someone? Mind telling your aunt?” She smiles too, but the sharpness of her tone makes it look lethal.

 

“He is Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun blushes at the mention of his name. But he sees how their faces grimace.

 

“Who? P… Park… Park Chanyeol? As in Park Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asks, his voice higher than his usual pitch but he immediately wipes away his shocked face. “Are you sure that’s his name?”

 

“Yes, that’s him. The tall guy with ears as big as the elephant.” He chuckles at his own description but seeing that the others do not find it amusing, he clears his throat and asks. “Is there a problem? He’s just my friend. If… that’s what you’re worried about.” He says, shying away.

 

“No! You are not going anywhere.” His aunt says with a tone of finality.

 

“What?”

 

“Go back to your room Baekhyun.” Her blood is draining from her body.

 

“What’s your problem?” Baekhyun confusion turns into frustration. “What, I can’t have friends now? He’s waiting for me.”

 

His aunt raises her tone. “No one’s waiting for you. Go back to your room!”

 

“Aunt, please. I don’t want to argue now–”

 

“When I said no! It’s no!”

 

Baekhyun is taken aback, a big lump forming in his throat.

 

It is the same words that came from his father’s mouth. Baekhyun trembles.

 

_What if… what if, I… that tragic day. That tragic day…_

 

The memories gush through him again. Unconsciously, his tears fall, wetting his cheeks even before he can turn around so Kyungsoo won’t see. He runs upstairs and bangs the door.

 

_I’m sorry Chanyeol. But I can’t be with you tonight._

***

Baekhyun keeps crying that night because of how ridiculous his aunt is. _No wonder she doesn’t get along with Baekbom._

He hugs his pillow tighter as he forces himself to sleep. But even before he can close his eyes, a knock comes followed by Kyungsoo’s voice. “Hey, Baek? Can I come in?”

 

Even without Baekhyun’s response, Kyungsoo opens the door and walks to him. He sits on the foot of his bed.

 

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun asks, his tone is cold and biting. He doesn’t bother wiping his tears away and allows Kyungsoo to see his crippled side.

 

“How are you feeling?” Kyungsoo ignores his question. His hand travels and holds Baekhyun’s, his thumb making circular patterns at the back of his palm.

 

Baekhyun sniffs. “I feel bad. I really want to see him.”

 

“Do you remember my best friend?” Kyungsoo smiles at him, burying his eyes onto his.

 

“Yes. How could I not? You always tell me I remind you of him.” Baekhyun tightens the hold on his hand.

 

“Well, I understand that you are stressed, after all that has happened and after your family’s accident. But Baekhyun, please. You should not see him–”

 

Kyungsoo is cut off when Baekhyun takes his hand back, a little too harsh. “If you’re here to lecture me about this, please get out. I don’t need your pity.”

 

“Baekhyun–”

 

“I thought you’re one of those few who believe I can be okay.”

 

“I believe that, Baek. Please, listen. You have to understand, Chanyeol is not what you think he is. He’s–”

 

“No. You’re the one who don’t understand. I’m fine now. Only Chanyeol believes me and here you are, stopping me from seeing him. Stopping me from what will make me feel better.”

 

“Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo looks alarmed and sad at the same time. He reaches for his hand again but Baekhyun places it under his pillow. Out of his reach.

 

“I’m sorry Kyungsoo. But can you leave now? I want to rest.”

 

With a pained look, Kyungsoo stands up, “I’m sorry. Sleep well, Baekhyun.”

 

Hours have passed yet Baekhyun is still shifting from one position to another. His mind wanders afar and he struggles to put his mind at ease that it takes him a while to notice something.

 

He jerks a little when he feels someone climbing onto the other side of his bed, but he stays still knowing that it’s his aunt.

 

Baekhyun feels the strength of the wind. _Did I leave my window open?_

 

“I was waiting for you there.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes sparkled at his voice. He turns around and throws himself at Chanyeol.

 

He rolls them around, so Chanyeol is atop him. And as usual, they are laughing their hearts out that Baekhyun needs to hush them, afraid that they will be caught.

 

Baekhyun tilts his head up to meet his eyes, but why does… “Hey. What’s with the sad eyes?” he coos then he caresses his face.

 

Chanyeol cups his face too and inches forward until their noses touch. Baekhyun surrenders once more. He shuts his eyes close as their lips touch. It does not take much time for them to move in synchronize. Unlike the first, their kiss is neat and more passionate. Sweet but more fiery.

 

Chanyeol’s hand traverses onto Baekhyun’s body, roaming, exploring. He hears a sweet whimper whenever his hands touch Baekhyun’s sensitive part.

 

Chanyeol shifts them without breaking contact and he positions them comfortably on the mattress. His hands from Baekhyun’s waist find their way on his arms. He holds his hands and raises them on the top of his head, pinning Baekhyun down and rendering him helpless.

 

Then time seem to freeze again. Everything melts, even Baekhyun’s insides.

 

_Do I love this guy now? Do I love him?_ Baekhyun queries himself.

 

And their sweet kisses confirm that he does.

 

_God empties our cups first so He can put the best things._ Baekhyun remembers Chanyeol’s exact words.

 

_Maybe he’s right_. Baekhyun admits mentally. _God exists._

 

Baekhyun voices his thoughts out and his words is swallowed by Chanyeol’s mouth. However, it is just as clear. “ _I thank God, for giving you to me.”_

 

Baekhyun wishes this could last forever, but he knew by now that such thing doesn’t exist.

 

After some moments, Chanyeol cradles Baekhyun to sleep as he sings a lullaby.

 

_Wake up, feel the air that I’m breathing_

_I can’t explain this feeling that I’m feeling_

_I won’t go, another day_

_Without you_

And Baekhyun starts to doze off. He places his hand on Chanyeol’s chest but he grabs it immediately and intertwines it with his.

 

“Baek?” Baekhyun hears him.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I wish we could be like this forever. I think I love you now, Baekhyun. I know…” Baekhyun crosses the line between the conscious and the unconscious even before Chanyeol finishes his words.

***

Baekhyun wakes up alone, but relief splashes his tired body.

 

His aunt knocks on his door and surprisingly, all the irritation he had last night are gone.

 

“I’m sorry, Baekhyun for last night. I wish you could understand. You’re the one I have left. Aunt is just worried about you. Going out in the dead of the night with some… with someone I don’t know.”

 

Baekhyun is pleased with the apology so he gathers her in his arms to assure her. “It’s okay. I’m sorry if I worry you.”

 

“Thank you, darling. Auntie loves you so much. Uhm, Dr. Xiao called me. He said he wanted to meet us today. Is that okay? I can say no if you–”

 

“No. It’s fine, aunt. I’ll go with you.”

 

Baekhyun finds it hilarious and dreading at the same time. He thinks he has developed a fear of arguing with people.

 

_I might lose them if I do._

 

When they arrive, Dr. Xiao is busy with his laptop but he immediately puts the screen down to greet them. “Sorry for the late call but thank you for meeting with me today. Baekhyun, are you okay?”

 

“Yes, doctor. Better than before.” Baekhyun slouches in one of the chairs.

 

After some series of scanning and asking, the session is done. But before Baekhyun gets to leave, the doctor says, “You know, I read something on facebook and it’s kind of bothering me.”

 

“What about it, doctor?” Baekhyun shows interest at the subject and the Dr. Xiao looks pleased.

 

“It’s kind of creepy. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

 

“Sure Dr. Xiao! What is it?” Baekhyun smiles.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes! Try me!”

 

The doctor breathes deeply. “It says, there’s a 10% chance that some of the people you see are not real people.”

 

Baekhyun almost laugh, “Aliens? I’ve been reading about them since I was ten. The town is full of stories about it. I could bring you some articles if you want.”

 

“So, you believe it?”

 

“Kind of. Don’t you think it’s too haughty of us to believe we’re the only ones here?”

 

“I love your theory.” The doctor beams at him. “Maybe we can talk about it more. Will you come next week?”

 

“Alright. Our class will start in a week but I guess I can find time. Thank you, doctor!”

 

Baekhyun’s aunt arrives and fetches him. “Thank you, Dr. Xiao.”

Baekhyun notices the serious looks they pass between themselves. He hears the doctor’s whispered words. “Baekhyun is okay now. But he does _see_ things. Take care of him.”

 

After bidding farewells with the doctor, they go straight home and he takes a nap, gathering his strength to sneak out later.

***

It’s already late when Baekhyun awakes. Surprisingly, his aunt is deeply asleep on the sofa so he takes the chance and sneaks outside.

 

He goes to the cemetery, his hopes up on seeing Chanyeol. The thunder rolls and the drizzle turns harsher. Baekhyun feels troubled though he cannot assess why.

 

His face falls when he arrives. No one is there and maybe that’s why he feels negative. Chanyeol is not around. A white flash cuts the sky, followed by another roaring of a thunder. It rains. Hard.

 

_What if he went to my house?_ But Baekhyun is not late. In fact, he is five minutes earlier than their usual time.

 

W _hat if he is still in his sister’s grave?_ This urges Baekhyun to wander deeper into the heart of the cemetery.

 

He searches amidst the pouring rain and he is plagued by his thoughts once more.

 

_What if he’s really on my house? Waiting for me? Or what if he just went home?_

Baekhyun’s heart is pounding, the negative feeling clutching his throat so tight he struggles to breathe. His every step sinks onto the wet road. Every step feels like his heart is _sinking_ more into the void that he manages to escape with Chanyeol’s help.

 

He thinks of going home, but something inside urges him to keep walking, to keep searching. Searching for something he doesn’t know until something hits his eyes.

 

At one corner, Baekhyun finds a tombstone. Its frame is covered with dried flowers and he is being pulled towards it, as if it wants to be checked.

 

“Park.” The last name comes into his sight. His heart drums relentlessly. This might be Chanyeol’s sister grave, but where is he? He is supposed to be here. He runs faster, ignoring the mud clinging on his shoes.

 

As he nears the grave, Baekhyun sees there are two. One atop of the other. When he gets there, he kneels and removes the dried flowers and leaves and wipes away some mud.

 

The world crumbles down before him. The world, _that_ world that Chanyeol revives. He slumps down, painful tears streaming down his face. The lighting slashes and the thunder roars once more. Had Baekhyun not love the rain, he would have thought of the sky mocking his pain.

 

_Was that real? Am I just dreaming?_

Baekhyun’s heart pounds painfully inside him. That all he hears is the throbbing of his heart. His own cries and that of the heavens sound distant. That all he feels are the hot tears on his face and the pain gushing back to him like big waves of water and he drowns himself again.

 

The ice inside him stabs his insides, more excruciating this time. Coldness numbed his veins unbearably. The pain, everything… and everything after that.

 

  _Was it all in my mind?_

He musters his remaining strength to read the encryption to somehow find something that will deny the confirmation. But instead, Baekhyun just makes everything more concrete, more vivid. Reality slaps him in the face, hard.

 

_Park Yoora_

_Birth: September 23, 1983_

_Death: September 24, 2014_

_Park Chanyeol_

_Birth: November 27, 1992_

_Death: November 26, 2014_

“Chanyeol!” He screams. He screams his name and his voice breaks. His nails dig the mud before him, as if it will make him closer to where Chanyeol is, right now.

 

Everything goes back to him like a sword, slashing him slowly into pieces. He continues to cry helplessly as he recounts some details.

 

_I didn’t see his shadows._

_His pale lips._

_His sad eyes._

_He looks lost._

_He doesn’t go out in the sunlight._

 

_I never opened my windows but there are strong winds when he’s in my room._

_The way he grabbed my hand when I was about to place it on his heart._

Park Chanyeol is dead. He’s dead for three years now.

 

He remains still, his knees planted onto the ground. All the strength he gathered abandon him in one snap so he lets the tremendous pain overwhelm him. Until it consumes his whole, until his body is spent, until numbness is all that is left and until pain itself is tired of him.

 

_There’s a 10% chance that all the people you see are not real people._

_Maybe this is the why he never took me in his sister’s grave, because he didn’t want me to see this._

More thoughts toss Baekhyun here and there.

 

_God, Why? Why does it have to be like this? Is this what it felt like to be on a post-traumatic stress?_

 

_I am crazy._

_So my memories were just imaginary._

 

With a pang of desperation, he realizes that _their_ past is not a part of his time. But a past on the back of his mind.

 

_Curse that fantasy!_

 

He stays there, staring at their tombs until he is blinded by the early rays of the sun. He feels too hollow and tired to even notice that the rain stops, to even hear furious the honking of their car.

 

“Baekhyun!” He hears _them_ rushing towards him. Her aunt’s voice is panicking.

 

“Baekhyun, we were looking for you and–” Kyungsoo’s words sound so far away.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t move but he speaks, his voice is more than a whisper. “Tell me, who is he again?”

 

“Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo knows the answer even without elaboration. “He _was_ my best friend. The one I’m talking about. He died, three years ago. He has… Baekhyun, let’s go home.” His voice is soft but there is desperation in his voice.

 

“It rains. It always rains when I’m with him.”

 

“Baekhyun. Let’s go home. Come on now.” His aunt begs. But Baekhyun pays her no heed as something pops on his minds.

 

The words sound familiar. Baekhyun wants to confirm so he speaks again, “Hyung, you can go home now if you want to. I want to stay here. Just… just… I want to be alone.”

 

Baekhyun shivers as he remembers his words. Exact words to his brother. He awaits for an answer.

 

“Baekhyun. Baek… Baekbom–”

 

Baekhyun quirk his lips up painfully as he understands their confusion and worry and how his aunt grimaces at the mention of his brother.

 

Baekhyun understands how Baekbom seems to lock himself in his room, _buried_ in his sheets. How his door is left open. He remembers the empty plates and small talks and chapped lips. It’s all in is mind.

 

_So I’m really crazy?_

“Baekbom was with you and your parents on the accident. He… he died, Baek. I’m sorry.” Her aunt snobs. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun.”

 

Kyungsoo goes to him. He wraps his arm around Baekhyun and ushers him to stand up. “We have to go home. You need to rest.”

 

It take him a little time to make Baekhyun comply. His body shivers violently at the coldness and his wet clothes that seem to dry on his body.

 

He unconsciously finds himself in the back of the car. The rain starts to pour again, the clouds putting a great distance between him and the sun.

 

_Why is it that he took away the only people who made me believe he exists?_

Baekhyun, seemingly lost in his thoughts, is brought in the planet when an icy hand touches his. He looks to the side. A loud gasp escape his lips. His eyes are wide, shocked and _frightened_.

 

“Baek… Baekbom hyung?”

 

He is beside him. His clothes are the same clothes he wore when they were in the car _that night_ , just before the shooting, but it’s violently torn. There are holes on his polo, _bullet holes_ and blood oozes out of it. His face is pale. His eyes are black. His head is bleeding. His skin is tainted with colors blue, violet, and green. Some of his parts are rotting. He smiles at Baekhyun painfully.

 

_I promised Mom and Dad I’ll never leave you alone._

***

 

**Author's Note:**

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